I’ve been wrestling with what I’m about to write for a few years now. But this month for some reason I’ve found the clarity and courage to say what I’ve been feeling but unable to express.
It’s time for me to be open about the fact that I have outgrown a few major aspects of this blog. Perhaps it’s become really obvious to everyone else. I still have to write this down though.
Ever since I had Austin things started to feel a little different (I hear motherhood will do that).
Many of the posts I wrote became difficult to complete. They felt forced and I was less satisfied with the final results. I didn’t get that same feeling of creative release and accomplishment. It felt more like a chore.
The hardest part of the upkeep and forced writing were the Jell-O shot recipes. Which is most definitly why it was so difficult to stop or better yet …. change. This was the profitable part.
The book deal that came right after I had Austin. The exposure and adoration from well known publishers. It felt as if it was too late to give that up. I had responsibilities to be this “person.” To sell books. To be the brand.
But it’s painfully obvious that I’m just not this girl in this picture anymore with vodka soaked gummy bears in my hair.
Toddler saliva soaked fruit snacks, yes. Boozy gummy bears, no.
So even though my life was pulling me joyfully in a different direction I resisted and fought the current.
Aside from the boozy treats I also no longer have timeto make fun or fancy recipes and photograph them.
Cooking used to be a creative outlet and stress reliever. These days cooking is about meal prepping, time saving and convenience for my husband when I’m running late from work.
Not much fun sadly. More rushing and multitasking.
The good news is there are many things about this blog that I still love very much and want to keep contributing to. I miss writing. I love photography. I love all of the creative sharing that this blog makes possible.
I want to paint and show you. I want to read books (audio books is what time allows for) and tell you about them. I want to take trips with my family and document them.
I know my audience looking for “Michelle the Jell-O shot queen” might not be looking for what this season of my life has to offer. But I’m okay with that.
It’s time to float easily toward where this season of life is pulling me.
Not a brand. Not a product. Me the mom. Me the writer (albeit rusty but hoping to work at that more). Me the poet. Me the photographer. Me the dreamer.
This is me. This is it. Im leaving my “Jell-O shot queen” sash and tiara at the foot of my front steps and closing the door.
Pretty much since I was a little girl I’ve dreamed of going to Paris. There wasn’t anything in particular I wanted to see, it was more of a pipedream about luxury and hard work paying off. “One day Belle, one day we will go to Paris together,” my mom would say.
I thought maybe when I was old and gray we would make it. I can’t believe how blessed I am that this trip happened already.
Let me first say that Paris in late November is perfection.
It not too cold yet. There are no lines at the Louvre. The Christmas decorations and festivals are magical (get ready I am going to say magical a lot) and there are outdoor heaters in all the cafes so you can still dine outside.
There is no way I could recap this trip in one post so I will start with our first full day. My favorite day.
Nick had to work so I was on my own. The Louvre was close to our hotel so I decided it was as a good place to start.
It was so quiet everywhere. Sunny, breezy and prefectly chilly.
On my way in a street vendor was selling roasted chestnuts. He had an old school grill with a burnt wire rack and an open flame. The chestnuts looked questionable but the idea of actual roasted chestnuts made me happy.
I sat outside by the famous entrance and fountain for awhile to just take it all in. You see these places in movies or on your friends Facebook feeds, but it’s just so. much. better. in person.
It’s old. It’s massive. It’s almost whimsical.
When I got inside it was so huge that it took me awhile to figure out where I was and what I wanted to see.
After hanging out in this atrium for awhile I decided to focus on the paintings.
I walked slowly through each gallery. Again, it was so quiet. Hardly any tourists it seemed. There were times I was completely alone. I got lost in my thoughts about what a Spanish or French artists life in the 1800 must have been like before anyone cared about their work. Or, who was that painting really about?
Here was one of my favorites.
In 1839 Francois Biard (the artist) went on an expedition to the arctic. This was a landscape that he painted when he returned from his trip. The contrast between the beauty of the northern lights with the agony of the figures trapped in the ice is captivating and thought provoking.
I stood and stared for awhile.
Moms of two kids under four don’t get to stop and stare you guys. Like I said, it was magical.
Like this view out the window.
Or how about when I was about to leave to grab a quick lunch and saw there was an Angelina’s (a place I really, really wanted to go to so I could have some famous hot chocolate) right there at the end of the paintings exhibit inside the Louvre.
Destiny. Destiny with dark, rich, thick (the thickest) hot chocolate.
And this view from my table. And the girl with the BERET! Come on.
Like a dream.
I was almost too giddyto eat my croque monsieur.
I left after this and met Nick at our hotel and then we went out for dinner. I can’t write more now. Austin’s got bronchitis and a fever of 103.5 (asleep next to me) and Lilly has a double ear infection.
That brought you right back to reality right? Yeah me too.
More next time on where we stayed and other memorable moments.